i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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