the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
