Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
