A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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