so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
