exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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