I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
