i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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