What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
