I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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