She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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