Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Life is so much better after having sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We are two peas in an std pod
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
