peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize