...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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