Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
