I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
