That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
