I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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