I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize