she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
