Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
