I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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