The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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