Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
