Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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