You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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