i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
