My balls are so social today.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
