You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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