i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
