fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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