we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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