mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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