I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
