speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
