Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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