ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
