So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize