But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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