i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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