he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize