Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
