Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
