So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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