Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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