She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize