I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize