You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
