Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
