Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
