even my farts smell like vagina
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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