Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
