I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
