Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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