Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize