it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
