what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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