During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize