In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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