just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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