You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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