1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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