He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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